7 Ways to Build a Better Relationship With Food
This article explores what it means to have a good relationship with food and offers some tips to get you started on that journey.
A healthy relationship with food means giving yourself the permission to have food freedom - to eat the foods that make you feel good physically and mentally. The idea in practice is that no foods are off-limits, and you feel no guilt when eating foods that are typically labeled “bad”. This is the impact of diet culture that morally categorises food into good and bad.
Having a good relationship with food is not something you can achieve overnight or even in the next 12 weeks, but you can start. It all begins with recognising that life, and food, is meant to be enjoyed.
What are the signs of a bad relationship with food?
Unhealthy food relationships generally cause negative feelings around eating and body image. Food may be connected to negative emotions such as shame and judgement. There is often rigidity around food and a lack of freedom and flexibility. “If I cut out all of these foods I will achieve my weight loss goals.” But this is not sustainable long term.
Before you can work towards a good relationship with food, it’s important to pinpoint the signs and symptoms of a bad relationship with food. Your relationship with food has little to do with the quality of your diet, and is more about how and why you choose the foods you eat.
By improving your relationship with food, you’ll notice a lot less stress and worry around eating and more food freedom. Here’s a number of signs of a bad relationship with food:
You ignore your body’s hunger cues
You feel guilty when eating certain food groups
You find yourself restricting or binging
You feel guilty about eating
You avoid or restrict foods that are “bad” for you
Labeling foods as “clean” or “cheat meals”
You have developed a long list of rules surrounding the foods you can and cannot eat
You can’t eat out with friends comfortably in fear you’ll eat out of control
You have a history of yo-yo dieting or following the latest diet fads
You feel stress and anxiety when eating in social settings due to fear of what others may think of your food choices
You feel the need to be in control all of the time
A telltale sign that your relationship with food could be improved: you feel any type of shame, guilt, stress, or fear around certain foods that you eat.
There will be moments when you have complete food freedom with no remorse, which is great, but you may have moments when you feel guilty. The ultimate goal is to have more positive experiences around foods, showing patience and kindness toward yourself.
Identifying a good relationship with food
A good relationship with food involves welcoming all foods in moderation, eating foods you enjoy, not allowing food to control your life, and knowing that foods don’t have a moral compass or define your value as a person.
A good relationship with food takes time and years to cultivate. There isn’t a finish line, it requires you to consistently be more aware of your thoughts and needs. Understanding your relationship with food goes deeper than just fuelling your body - there’s culture, social environments, and pleasure.
When you go beyond seeing food as fuel or a way to lose weight, you can open the doors to seeing the bigger picture and value in building a deeper relationship to food.
Signs of a good relationship with food include:
You give yourself unconditional permission to eat the foods you enjoy
You listen to your hunger cues
You’re more mindful and in tune with what you need
No foods are off-limits
You don’t obsess over the number on the scale
You don’t let the opinions of others dictate which foods you eat
You understand that you’re not defined by the foods you eat
You enjoy all food in moderation
You choose foods that make you feel your best
You can socialise without fearing your whole diet or routine is ruined
Calories are not the focus of your food choices
You embrace the principles of food freedom
You don’t feel the need to justify your food choices
You’re not alone when it comes to diet mentality, so don’t be deterred if you’re thinking “I’ll never reach this point.” Many, like you, struggle with ditching diet culture that is still rife in our daily conversations and more prevalent than ever. But when you’re more connected to and clear on what food can be like for you, we can start making small changes over time that transform your relationship to food and yourself. Find a pace that suits you, and work through the small details that will build that foundation.
With any journey of change, it’s one thing to think about it and the other to actually do it and keep building on the narratives you tell yourself. Flipping the script will be the greatest gift for yourself.
Remember you are your own individual and will have your own path based on the lessons and experiences that have brought you to this point. Stay open minded, curious, and sit with the difficult moments.
Here’s some helpful tips…
1. Give yourself unconditional permission to eat
One sign of a good and healthy relationship with food is allowing yourself unconditional permission to eat. When you create rules around when you can and can’t eat, you’re setting yourself up for hunger, feelings of deprivation, and fear of food. Whether you think you overeat at lunch or have a few extra cookies for dessert, you still deserve to eat when you’re hungry or want to. Your body deserves food no matter the day or situation.
2. Eat when you’re hungry
Every person is born with the natural ability to regulate their hunger. You can see this with children, who can easily tell you when they’re hungry (mums will know this all too well) or full. As people age, they begin to lose this ability for a number of reasons.
Listening to your hunger cues is super important. With so many places selling snacks, food, and takeaways, all these options create a cue and reward response when we’re not even hungry. It’s about paying attention to what you actually need. This is not to say counting calories is bad for you. There is a time and place for that, but if it is triggering you and moving you further away from connecting back to yourself, there are plenty of other options. Managing your natural hunger cue is key for meals, ensuring you know when you feel satiated, full, or just need to hydrate yourself.
3. Pay attention to the language you use around food
Understanding the language you’re using and the impact it is having day-to-day on your lifestyle, stress levels, and the way you see food is super important. Examples like “clean,” “junk food,” “forbidden,” “cheat meal,” or “superfood” can all have a huge impact on your relationship with food.
Start by paying attention to the vocabulary you use, and how “good” or “bad” food judgements that crop up in your mind. Building awareness will help you chip away at the power they have over you. It’s common for influencers or chronic dieters to use this language without realising the impact they may be having on you, so watch out for how others use language, too.
4. Practice mindful eating
Mindful eating is a cornerstone to improving your relationship with food. This is about being fully present in the moment, listening to hunger cues, and enjoying the tastes and flavours.
When eating mindfully, you’re removing yourself from distractions like TV or your phone, instead making gentle observations on textures and eating slower. It can also help you identify the reasons for your food choices. Are you eating this because you’re starving and will eat anything? Because you think it’ll make you feel better emotionally or physically?
While you eat, try to answer some of these questions:
How do I emotionally feel while I eat this? Does it bring me joy, guilt, anger?
What flavor and texture am I noticing right now? Do I enjoy it? Am I only eating it because it’s available, or because I really wanted it?
Does this food hit the spot? Does it satisfy the craving I’m having?
Has this food solved a problem like I may have thought it would?
How is this food changing my appetite? Do I notice my hunger going away?
What flavours do I notice? Do I like the crunch? Was I even hungry?
Where am I whilst eating this?
Was I actually hungry? If not, why did I decide to eat (e.g., emotional eating, cravings, boredom)?
Initially, answering these questions might be hard, because it’s become automatic. Writing the thoughts that show up can help you identify those feelings.
5. Regulate your social media feed
Unfortunately, you’re often only seeing what people want you to see. Many people online are presenting themselves as experts on food, fitness, and wellbeing, when in fact they have their own toxic diet culture traits and themselves struggle with a negative relationship to food or their bodies.
I meet a lot of people who are continually comparing themselves to famous people or influencers, as they assume a single post is representative of everything they are as a person in the fitness space. What you consume online has a direct connection to your body image. Connect back to yourself and what it is you actually want - not what you see in the media.
Being more mindful of this type of content means you’re able to ignore it, move away from it, not absorb it, or take it for what it actually is. When you control your feed you’re able to follow people that mirror your values. There’s a strong community on social media that can give you valuable information about food, and help you feel better about yourself.
Coach tip: unfollow all the accounts in your page that don’t bring you joy or don’t make you feel good about yourself. Follow more people that inspire you to be a better version of you and who you resonate with mentally and physically.
6. Welcome all foods in your diet
When we label foods as “bad” it gives it an unnecessary power. Of course, some foods are more nutritious than others and can help to improve your health more. But eating one single food isn’t going to miraculously affect your health either.
The moment you label a food as “bad”, you put it on a pedestal. Typically, these “bad” foods are not very nutritious (e.g. high in sugar, salts, fat). Yet the more you say you can’t have it, the more you want it. When you allow all foods into your diet, you’re better able to control your intake, as you know these foods are always available. When you restrict foods and believe they’re a rarity, you’re much more likely to overdo it and subsequently enter an endless cycle of guilt.
When you focus on adding in more foods that align with your goals, lifestyle, and way of living, you will notice your cravings diminish. This phenomenon is called habituation - the greater exposure you have to a food or flavour, the less interesting and appealing it becomes. So start viewing all foods as equal, with no food being better or worse than another. When you stop viewing foods as “good” or “bad,” you remove the food’s power. Over time, you won’t feel the need to overeat it when it’s around.
7. Mind your plate
Focus on your plate and on making choices that align with you. Imagine a life where you don’t have to justify your food choices to anyone and remove the guilt from them (even when an aunt questions it at a family gathering). Most people find themselves giving an explanation for their food choice. The key is in getting clear and confident within yourself. Give yourself the permission to enjoy the food in the moment on your own terms. Create that food freedom.
Seek professional help
Diet culture and your relationship to yourself is complex and sometimes you just can’t do it alone, so sometimes it will be necessary to seek the help of a qualified professional who can help you overcome the blocks you are facing on a daily basis.
Summary
This is your journey, with your own experiences. Cultivating a healthy relationship with food is an investment in your future and peace of mind. Follow your own path at your own pace, and learn what serves you better. These are just some ways to help you get started.
Join the Beyond Strong Method that takes you to a new level of connecting to yourself, overcoming barriers and building a better relationship to yourself. Find out more here www.wearebeyondstrong.com
