6 Ways to Train Yourself Brave
I get it - there’s so much to keep up with and that you want to achieve. Because of this, the most common focus tends to be… failure. One of the most common conversations I have with my clients is around overcoming fear, stepping into the unknown, and the same question comes up again and again: “What if I fail?”. I want to share ways to help you overcome this mindset, build more resilience, and understand your fears without being ruled by them.
First and foremost, I want to define fear vs danger. “Fear is the anticipation over something that may or may not happen, whereas danger is life-threatening, something that challenges your survival. Danger is a real physical thing, whereas fear is just in our mind, and understanding this distinction is game-changing,” Prateek Singh. This means our lives are filled with fear over non life-threatening things.
When it comes to understanding failure, this is my favoured definition: “Failure is defined as a lack of success or the inability to meet an expectation.” Reframing what you truly deem as a failure, and not confusing these with society's expectations, is key to helping you move the needle. In my personal opinion, failures are lessons. There’s always something to take away and apply to get you better next time.
I love these perspective shifts:
“Meet your failure as the bigger person, learn the lesson, make changes in your plan and work again.”
“Every time there is a mistake, learn from it, change the plan and keep moving forward”
“You will eventually recover from a defeat but you must never forget what it taught you,” Germany Kent
Here are 6 ways to train yourself brave:
1. Acknowledge and understand your fears
Courage is not the absence of fear. It’s the ability to acknowledge your fear and then move past it. Some people believe that the best way to conquer fear is to ignore it and pretend that it doesn’t exist. This can be tempting, but it’s an unhealthy and unsustainable way to deal with it. Ignoring the fear only makes it seem more scary and unmanageable in the long run.
That’s why the first step to bravery is to accept that you are afraid (this can be a hard realisation). Dig into the cause of your fear: Why does that situation make you afraid? You can use a technique like the "five whys" to get down to the true root of your apprehension. It's as simple as asking "why?" five times in a row. Here's an example:
"I'm afraid of public speaking."
Why? "I've never had a positive experience with it."
Why? "I always get overly nervous and self-conscious."
Why? "It's nerve-wracking to get up in front of other people."
Why? "I'm worried that they're quietly judging me."
Why? "Because I don't think I have anything worthwhile to share with them."
See? While you might've originally thought that your fear was related to a large crowd or even the potential for embarrassment, it goes deeper than that: You don't trust that you're worthy of speaking in front of a crowd. That's a root cause that you can work on addressing with adequate research and preparation for public speaking opportunities.
Naming the fear and the reason behind it helps you look at the situation from a more objective perspective and gives you more control over your fear. Then, knowing what you’re up against gives you the ability to decide how much this fear will hold you back from your life.
Top tip: Name the fear and ask yourself the 5 whys to get to the root cause of how you’re actually feeling and break it down more clearly, so you can get a handle on your fears and overcome them.
2. Identify your deepest fears
Fear is not a bad thing and I think it’s important to recognise that. Sometimes your fears can serve you. Fears can be life threatening, or they can be self imposed. So what is it that you are afraid might happen if you begin taking action in the direction of your goals and dreams? That you’ll be humiliated? Go broke? Be rejected? Exposed as inadequate? Whatever your fear, own it. Unless you own your fears, they will own you. The only way to conquer fear is to look it right in the eye, then to step forward in its presence.
Top tip: Write down what you are afraid might happen if you take action toward your goal.
3. Be honest with yourself about the cost of inaction
Being honest and true to yourself is so important, because inaction is costly and will spiral the more you ignore it. Research has identified a psychological phenomenon whereby we tend to discount the cost of our choices, even when it’s obvious they are not benefiting us. The reason why? Reality isn’t pretty. The result? We always tell ourselves or others that we’re ok and everything is fine, when in actual fact things are going to pot but we don’t want to lose face. This then takes us further away from the life that we want to be living.
Getting honest with yourself will save you so much time. It can be painful to face the truth and the resistance to the root of the problem, but you can then start making true change one step at a time. So think of yourself as a pilot. Take the driving seat, decide your destination, follow the path, and if things interrupt that journey keep navigating, stopping for fuel, getting guidance from your co-pilots and crew to help you re-create the person you’re becoming. Here you can step into courage and do the things that scare you. Don’t ignore it, go for it! Lead with the mindset of what could go wrong? Can I handle it? (Yes). Am I willing to try out what’s on the other side? If it doesn’t work out I can always go back.
Top tip: Write down how you will feel about yourself if you do nothing. Remember if nothing changes, nothing changes. Is that what you truly want?
4. Don’t overcomplicate it
It’s so easy to become overwhelmed by the next steps, that you end up not taking any action. Having a big vision is a guiding star, but taking that first step towards action is what will help you move the needle forwards (no matter how small or slow you think you’re going). I love this quote by Martin Luther King, Jr.: You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just the first step. The thing that matters the most is knowing where you want to be. Look at the next 12 months, break it down to 3-month vision, and then just look at the first month, or even week, and finally what you need to do on that very day to move it forwards.
Top tip: Write down the top 7 things you can do in the next week (keep them short, sweet, and simple).
5. Get accountability
It’s so easy to get lost in the moment when you try to do it all alone. Instead, recruit people who can help you get closer to your goals. Be clear with your communication on how you would like them to show up for you, whether it’s a friend, a coach, or a partner. Just make sure you’re surrounded by people who are committed to helping you make those changes. You’ll be surprised at who you can inspire along the way!
Top tip: Start by asking one person to help you tick off an item on your list of 7 things.
6. Be the lion
You are a product of your environment and the sum of the five people you spend the most time with. A path of change always requires you to look at who is in your environment as this can have a huge influence on your success. Surround yourself with people who are where you want to be, ask them questions, examine what it takes - it will ultimately encourage you to keep going after what you want.
Top tip: Seek people out, connect on social media, read books, listen to podcasts, go to workshops - become a forever learner, offer to buy people lunch so you can pick their brains. By spending more time with like-minded people you gain more education and collaboration.
Courage is like a muscle. The more you put yourself out there, the more it grows. Expand your comfort zone and you will dilute the power fear has over you. Keep stepping up to the challenge, face pain points head on, look forwards and don’t give up! Step into courage and step into it daily!
