What Self-Love Means to Me
Of course, we all have different perceptions, feelings, and definitions of what self-love is. I’ve been thinking recently about what self-love means to me and how it goes beyond the surface level of bubble baths and massages (which are still important tools and ways to connect back to yourself) and other ways in which I choose to show up for myself.
This hasn’t been an overnight job. It’s taken years and a whole lot of life experience - I’m now 32. I also come from a very loving family that has given me a strong foundation of safety and security, which I am extremely grateful for. This journey started a long time ago, beginning with how I was nurtured as a child to a teen through to flying the nest and living life on my terms.
Having travelled the world and spent the last 10 years abroad (holy cow - I can’t believe it has been that long), I have learnt a thing or two. In my early twenties it was about full exposure, making a lot of mistakes. Without realising, in a lot of experiences and circumstances I was practicing self-love. I was constantly exploring what it means to keep showing up for myself, no matter how hard things were.
Self-love for me goes into different levels, but ultimately it’s about tuning into what I need in that moment, whether it’s physical, emotional, or mindset-based, whether it’s surface-level or going deeper. This comes down to ‘doing the work’ and that looks and feels different to everyone. I have always led with a curious mind: If I feel a certain way, I ask myself how I can best understand the feeling, learn from it, and move forward. The most important part is allowing space for new perspectives, facing the pain of my realities and thinking about what I actually need.
I can break these self-love way of mine into three areas:
1. There’s surface-level self-care - bubble baths, meditation, massages, lighting candles, listening to music. Sometimes it can take minutes, other times I need a whole evening off social media and limited contact.
2. The next level is about unlocking a new depth of understanding and curiosity, learning there’s no perfect way to do anything and that’s the beauty of it. This new level of discovery comes in the form of reading books, understanding psychology, listening to podcasts, gaining wisdom and insights from others' journeys and lessons, having conversations, and even more importantly taking what I’ve learnt and applying it.
I’ve also found talking to professionals to be extremely helpful. I currently have two mentors that lead me in business, coaching, and life. I tried hypnotherapy to help me navigate a confusing relationship. Last year, when I was going through a whirlwind of personal change, I hired a badass babe to guide me in those darker moments. Being able to ask for help is a strength, I want to be clear on that. Understanding yourself better with a professional, third party perspective is going to elevate you into another realm. Naturally, you have to find the right person and medium that connects with you, but there are people out there - you don’t have to do this alone.
Now this is my favourite.
3. The biggest realisation for me, and this is something I bring into my coaching, is that self-love is not about pushing myself, punishing myself, or shaming myself. This has brought me true power.
This is a constant work in progress. Everyday, you get to choose how you talk to yourself and think about yourself. How long have you been talking negatively to yourself over the years? It’s quite a scary answer right? I meet so many women trapped in that headspace for 10-20 years or more. We deserve more than that. As humans, we always default back to the negative. Look at the news, for example - to get your attention they lead with the negative. To rewire your brain, expose yourself to more positivity and different ways of thinking. What you tell yourself you believe, what you believe, you become.
Over the years, I’ve opened up my mind and spirit to new things that I have felt I needed at the time, which has helped transform my mind and ultimately build this next level of self-love and all that comes with it - confidence, empowerment, strength, honoring my body, listening to what I need. Am I perfect? Hell no. But I strive to improve everyday. If something didn’t go the way I anticipated, I practice self love in these ways:
Journaling - connect back to how I’m feeling, understand where things didn’t go well, how I might approach the situation differently, what I can take away from it
Time off my phone and away from others so I can tune into what I need and not be influenced by others
Saying these phrases to myself: “You’ve fucking got this Lizzie,” “Get your shit together, you’re better than this,” “ You can handle this,” “You’re a badass,” “Keep going,” ‘You are freaking awesome,” “Don’t worry, it’s not your day. Rest, and continue tomorrow.”
Going to sleep early - I solve so much simply by getting rest and recouping my energy levels
I practice self-love everyday and choose to show up for myself through my attitude. The easiest thing to do is to go straight to the negative, so take a minute, listen to what you’re saying to yourself, then go back and reframe it. Write it down. Leave a post-it note on your mirror to remind you how amazing you are.
There’s no on/off switch and you’ll not automatically be ‘fixed.’ First and foremost, you don’t need to be fixed - you already have the power and belief within. It’s about changing the narrative and what could feel weird initially will become normal. It’s magic, but you have to keep on practicing it.
Self-love is the kind of love no-one gets to take away from you. Bulletproof yourself at the next level.
